|Want to interview Foxy?|
i refreshed my donation pool.
My Prices for the Commissions
Chibi - 5
Headshot - 10
Waist/Knee up - 15
Full Body - 20
Backgrounds/+2 Characters - +5
Can only take 5 commissioners at a time!
Slots for Commissioners/To-Do List
it says it all here!
This is the place of payment for my adoptable OCs.
feel free to donate out of kindness, i would love an extra 1-2 points.
Reasons I want points:
For a premium membership since i have no money.
To commission people i really want an art from.
So in the future i can give points away as prizes.
To give to people i care about on dA.
1-9 = give u a llama (if i hadn't gave u one already, i'll give u a llama with my other account) & fave 5 deviations.
10-29 = give u a llama & look at ur gallery, & fave 10 deviations. :3
30-49 = give u a llama, look at ur gallery, & fave 15 deviations.
50-69 = give u a llama, look at ur gallery, fave 20 deviations, give u positive feedback & add u to my .
70-89 give u a llama, look at ur gallery, fave most of ur deviations & add u to my .
90-100+ give u a llama, look at ur gallery, fave all of ur deviations & add u to my
I can't afford it so i'm relying on ppl's generosity. I'm not asking a lot, but I would be so grateful if u spare a point(s). Pretty please?
if i'm not on this account, then i'm on my other account. u can find me here
Name: Shanna Haws
B-Day: April 28
Fave Animal: Bunnies & Puppies (especially pugs!)
Fav mythical Animal: Dragons & Unicorns
Likes: Naruto, Anime (almost any kind), Summer, Nice ppl, & Friends
Dislikes: Bulma (DragonBall Z), Haters/Flamers, Jerks, Mushy Love
Hobbies: Reading (anime) fan fics (as long as it's interesting), Drawing anime, Typing up stories, Spending time with my Family & Friends, Listening to music.
Dream Profession: to be a writer (i don't care about being as popular as JK Rowling (Harry Potter) or Masashi Kishimoto (Naruto) just as long as some ppl like my story. ^^)
The following kind of comments are not welcome here:
1. Spamming - comments that are irrelivant to the contents of whatever it concerns.
2. General Rudeness - I'm used to people not liking certain things I do, not everyone is alike. but the second you stop acting like a human being, you're done.
simple as that. if we all just get along like human beings, there will be no problem. ^^
who's an awesome artist? click the me.Deviantart.com
Current Residence: Wasilla, AK
Favourite genre of music: Any kind that appeals to me, it doesn't matter.
Favourite style of art: 2D Anime (3D is not my forte.)
Operating System: XP
MP3 player of choice: Ipod Nano
Wallpaper of choice: Anime
Favourite cartoon character: Sakura Haruno, Deidara, Sesshomaru, Vegeta, Goku, Minato, Soul Eater Evans
Personal Quote: "DEIDARA & SAKURA RULES!!!"
I don't really know how to start this journal off with since it's been ages since I rarely submit journals much, but nothing much has been going on this summer except for a few personal ups and downs in life. One of them I feel the need to vent out.
Those who know about my ex-fiance, Jake, knows that him and I have broke up for personal reasons. The only ones I'll share is that he treated me like an ATM, used my family's residence as a means to have a place to live (but without contributing) and only pretended to love me. Well, it's been over 6 months and he tried contacting me after already being told to never contact.
Okay, to start off, my mom asked me if I knew a Jeffery Peterson, which doesn't ring any bells for me. I don't know a Jeffery and he most certainly wouldn't know my mailing address. Mom noticed this and easily suspected that Jake is using an alias to secretly contact me without mom know, but my mom's not an idiot. While mom admitted that she was tempted to throw it away without my knowing, she handed it to me anyway. She read it first and by the time she finished the two pages (the notes were written back to back), she'd let me read the page. Well... there's nothing extremely personal in the letter that I'm not afraid to show on here so here's the letter I took the time to copy by typing it up for backup and in case reasons. This is to give you the idea. Note that this letter was 3 1/2 pages worth, only the other half was just to show his mailing address where I can surely send him one. BTW the ------- is his last name that I censored just cause.
Dear Shanna Haws,
Please before you tear this sheet up, just listen to what I have to say. I'm done living a lie... at first, I was almost against writing this letter to you for the simple fact of being scared of your reaction. I know I've done this to you countless times now, and I have no way to prove myself, but I am a changed man. I'm not asking you to come back to me, I couldn't do that after all the shit that I put you through. I am sitting in a cell facing another theft charge, and I've been having dreams about you lately. In one of them, I was living in an R.V. Fancier than your mother's, and I was nowhere near your house. I was expecting someone to come over for some reason, and you came instead. At first you hated my guts, but as I showed you how much I've changed, you grew to love me again. Then for some reason, I looked out the window and we were parked where the R.V. is/was in your yard, and I saw an old man with white hair and a beard of gray came out that I said was your grandfather. He came and sat in the R.V. and as he was sitting there, 2 kids (a boy and a girl) came up and called him grandpa and called you mommy and me daddy. I know your probably thinking I'm nothing but a liar and a cheat and such but I promise you, on my grandfather's grave that I am telling you the truth. I met a man named Rev in here and he is a god-fearing man. I asked him "what do I do? Every time I turn to the Lord, I lose someone dear to me, how can I follow someone that has taken so much from me?" Rev simply said "because it was never the Lord you were following. Yes you were a fan of Jesus but never a follower." Then he prayed for me. The next morning I went to his morning prayer and not only did he pray for me but 20 other inmates did as well. I never understood the Bible as much as I do now and I read part of it every night and every morning I go to his service and every day I go to church. I've learned how to pray with a rosary. I've memorized the Lord's Prayer, hail Mary, and glory be. I'm working on apostles creed and the final prayer and the mysteries of the rosary. I've chosen to go to rehab, the place is called SARP (Salvation Army Recovery Program) and it is a 6 month - 2 year course in which they feed me, clothe me, house me, and help me stop drugs. For good this time, no pot, no spice, no alcohol, none of that. I'm going to attempt to stop smoking cigarettes as well, the Lord is my addiction and he is healthy for me. Again I say I'm not asking you to take me back. I can't lie and say that's not my desire, for I would love nothing more. I just ask for forgiveness and a letter back, even if it's just a fuck you, or go to hell or something, just as long as I get confirmation that you got this letter. I do love you. More than I ever knew and as you said many times, "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I just never knew how true that was. Ever since I sent that text to you, I wanted to take it back. I was in a bad place, but I'm getting out of that rut. You don't have to go to the authoritys to get a restraining order or anything if you choose not to forgive me I will leave things as that and you won't have to hear from me again. Satan has thrown many obstacles in my path such as John, Cat-Boy, Nova, spice, weed, homelessness, anger, pain. But now I know that as long as I follow Jesus, I will be ok. You know I'm not much of a writer, and I hope me 'spilling my guts' on this paper proved something to you. I don't know how long I'll be here, but if you choose to write back I will have it sent to my grandma's house, I'm leaving all my old "friends" behind and completely starting over, "turning over a new leaf" as you may say. I know your mother will never forgive me for what I did to you and your family, mainly you. Anyways I would like to know how you and Tony are? And Marissa? Are those two back together yet? I know I'm sounding as if you have already forgiven me, but in the chance that you do write back and do actually forgive me, I wanted to give you something else to write about as well, hopefully starting next week I'll be in rehab and working at Sal-Army. Yes they get me back into the habit of working as well, and I refuse to give up until I complete the program. Anyways, it's past 1:00 AM here and I have to wake up at 6:30 AM so I need to get some sleep. I love you Shanna. I really do and I miss the old days. You, Tony and Marissa were the best friends I could have and I took your kindness for weakness and I'm sorry. Even now I'm doing my best not to break down and cry in front of my cellmate. I love you, with all my heart.
P.S. No longer Fox, no more aliases, Jake is who I am.</i>
I know for a fact his letter is asking for forgiveness, but right now I'm still licking my wounds from all the hurt I received from him. Right now, I'm trying to forgive myself one day at a time for my mistakes I've made with him cause overall, I feel like trash. Please don't ask for anything prying, but this is how I've been feeling about myself and I'm focusing on forgiving myself before I forgive Jake. Because what he did was unfair and wrong. Now I'm not a begrudging person, I know for a fact that I'm not meant to hold grudges for they are poison to not only the mind but body as well. But I'm still resenting him for his mistakes and stupidity. I might not be ready to forgive him today or tomorrow, but I will forgive him in time.
But as far as sending him a letter, my mom and one of my friends strongly suggest that I don't send him one. Cause then I'd be opening a door for him that he'll easily slip in and then he's never gonna let me go even if it's long over between us. Even my friend commented to me that I have a big heart and when I love someone, I love them completely. But Jake, he took my kindness as an advantage as he blatantly stated. I can forgive, but that doesn't mean I'm taking him back.
And while his dreams are sunny days, roses and butterflies my dreams were moonless nights, thorns and spiders. Ever since the breakup I had been having reoccuring nightmares of him begging me to take him back in which I end up turning him down and then he follows me wherever I go. It's the same thing night after night. I even began thinking that my nightmares are telling me that's he's never gonna let me go. He may love me all he wants, but there are too many things he falls short. So... I'm at a loss. My friend honestly thinks I'm gonna crawl back to him, but she doesn't understand the fear I feel just knowing he still contacts me via mailing. Why would I want to go back to someone who scares me? I don't know what to say that'll convince her that I'm not.